Dealing With Darkness

Warning: Emotional blog post ahead.

Today, I attended the funeral for one of my fathers best friends, the first funeral I’ve ever been to. It could not have been a prettier day; the sun was shining bright, the wind was blowing beautifully and the trees and flowers are in bloom. A perfect day to celebrate the life of an incredibly strong, silly, hard working man.

As I said, this was the first funeral I’ve ever attended; I’m fortunate that I haven’t had to deal with much death in my 26 years. I’m the type of person that doesn’t talk about  death and to be completely honest, it creeps me out and sends me into a borderline panic attack when my mind wanders too far into the depths of the unknown. Tonight, as we drove home from the funeral, I asked my Mom, “What do you think happens when we die?”. She quickly replied with, “I don’t know and I really don’t like to think about it.” Her and I share that mentality.

I really don’t know what happens. I would like to think that there are beautiful pearly gates waiting on us. But how do we know? This isn’t to spark a religious debate, I promise! It’s just me, using my blog as my outlet to think and dive deeper into what I’m feeling (you lovely people just get to come along for the ride!).

Seeing death and feeling the cold, clenching grasp it has had on my emotions lately got me to thinking – you hear people preach it and I’m sure you’ve said it yourself. I AM GOING TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. I am going to take every breath with gratitude and face every step with courage. I am going to work towards living a life that I enjoy, that makes me feel good and that makes others around me feel good. I’m going to love as hard as I can for as long as I can. I’m going to teach my daughter that it’s not WHAT you have in your life, it’s WHO you have. I’m going to make my husband proud and continue growing a strong bond and relationship. I’m going to love my parents more than they will ever know and until their last breath, I will always be their little girl. I’m going to be a friend to many and an enemy to few. I’m going to treat my mind and body how it deserves to be treated and live a healthy, happy life. I’m going to take the good with the bad and know that while tomorrow is a new day, it should never be taken for granted.

Love the life you live and if you don’t, do something about it.



  1. denise wyckoff says:

    Ashleigh, what a beautiful message so caring and loving. You are so right don’t take things for granted. Live each day to the fullest. I am so happy you are my daughter and could not imagine life without you. Love you endlessly. Mommy

  2. Victoria says:

    When my dad passed away a few years ago, these were and still are the questions that I always think about when faced with decisions. Losing a parent is a nightmare, but I think the one thing that made it easier was seeing how many people my dad truly affected in his lifetime. It’s been almost 5 years now and I still have people tell me how much they miss him.Leaving a legacy of positive memories is something that I strive for each and everyday and it’s something I wholly attribute to him. I’m sorry for your families loss and hope you enjoy this long Easter weekend surrounded by those who love you most. *hugs*

    • Ashleigh says:

      Thank you Victoria, you are so kind! I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your father, I was unaware. Your father has a beautifully kind and loving daughter; I’m happy to call you my friend. I hope you enjoy your Easter weekend as well and I’m looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks! xoxo

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