I knew that becoming a parent was going to be the most beautiful yet most difficult thing I would ever do in my 26 years of life. What I didn’t know, was the impact being a mom would have on me being a wife – a “good” wife.
I admit that I am a Type-A, borderline OCD, control freak; this comes in handy when it’s time to pack for a trip, meet a deadline, schedule doctors appointments or plan a birthday party. This also means that Charlee has a coordinating bow to match every outfit, her toys must be put back into their proper place immediately after she’s done playing with them and I focus way too much on a daily, structured schedule. My personality can often times be my most positive attribute but also my achilles heel.
For the last six months, I’ve been so focused on being a “perfect” mother that I feel like I’ve been a lousy wife at times. My husband doesn’t come home to a hot meal every night, the clothes sit in the dryer for one (or 3!) too many spin cycles, I take a shower only to hop back into yoga pants and a long sleeve tee and we’ve had one 2 hour date night since Charlee’s been born. I’m also exhausted at the end of the day and tend to hit the hay early or have a stressed-out, snippy attitude due to lack of sleep or after my precious angel had a spaz attack at the grocery store and made me feel like I was a contestant on “Supermarket Sweep” (anyone else remember that show?). My husband tends to get the short end of the stick which results in apologies and guilt on my end.
It’s a lot of work being a mom. Being a wife, partner and best friend used to come easy. I took pleasure in making my husband happy in regards to home life, business, intimacy and our relationship. Now, I often feel as though there are just not enough hours in the day and the things that should matter most get pushed aside. Don’t get me wrong, I shouldn’t be listed on the “World’s Worst Wife List” but I know that I can be a better version of myself. A little more go with the flow and a lot less uptight.
This is a public love letter to my husband. This is my open declaration that I vow to be a more present, less stressed, happier and more connected wife. I promise to let go of my idea of a “perfect” mom with a life based on Pinterest and a white picket fence. Letting go of the weight of trying to be a “perfect” mom will only make me a better wife, friend, daughter, sister and mother. I will let things get messy when I need to but also maintain a healthy grasp on reality. I will find a balance and realize that I can be my own worst enemy. Getting outside of my own head and realizing that everything will be okay in the end will help me on my toughest days.
“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
— John Lennon